apology.

“contributing to the needs of the saints, practicing hospitality,” Romans 12:13

A few years ago, when God was deeply changing my heart and breaking it even more for what breaks His, I started to become very critical of the Church around me. I judged those with nice homes and cars, churches with extravagant buildings or comfortable chairs. I began to develop a very critical spirit.

Now, I realize how terribly wrong I was.

We need to live to the standard of which we have obtained. This is different for every person. For example, JC Penny lived on only 10% of what he earned, and gave away all of the rest. Now, the 10% he lived on was millions of dollars... but that was the standard to which he had obtained. We need to look at percentages, not dollars. Just because someone lives very well does not mean that they are selfish or not good stewards of what God has given them.

Similarly, the simple fact that someone has nice things or a church has a beautiful building doesn't mean that they aren't also serving the Lord with their finances. Yes, this is sometimes the case, but with most of the people in my life it is not. The very people and churches that I was critical of and judged on occasion are the ones that are supporting me tremendously, both in their finances and prayers.

If anyone is reading this blog and has sensed this critical spirit from me in the past, I owe you an apology. I am truly sorry, and I hope that you can forgive me.

Words cannot express how deeply grateful I am for the support I have received, not only in coming here to Potter's Field, but also throughout my entire life. I am a living testimony of this verse in action.

Now that I'm here, what does this verse look like in my life? While at the Ranch, I can't really provide for anyone financially or welcome them into my home. However, I still can “contribute to the needs of the saints.” I need to have eyes like Christ, to see those around me who are in need. I want to notice when someone around me is upset and needs encouragement. I want to help my roommates with their laundry or cleaning or just day to day responsibilities. I will continue to ask God to provide me with opportunity to fill a need, and the wisdom to know how to do it.

Also, I will continue to ask to the Lord to help me stay in humility and keep me from returning to a critical spirit. I already know that once I come back to the United States after six months in El Salvador, it will be a great struggle for me to not to become critical again. I need to rely fully on the Lord and remind myself that He alone searches and knows the heart, and I simply need to put my trust in Him. For “...man looks on the outside, but God looks on the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7).

Psalm 139:23-24

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there be any hurtful way in me, And lead me in the everlasting way.”